eccchihime:

NAGISA: “If He Was Your Boyfriend – Iwatobi Side.”

[REI opens his boxed lunch]

NAGISA: Eh? Did you make that lunch yourself, Rei-chan?

REI: Yes.

NAGISA: This fried chicken too? This boiled spinach doused with bonito flakes and soy sauce too?

REI: That’s right.

MAKOTO: Wow, that’s amazing, Rei. Haru makes his own lunch too.

HARUKA: Yeah…

MAKOTO: He’s absorbed in his own lunch of mackerel…

NAGISA: Then, Rei-chan, does that mean you’ve made all of your lunches that I’ve seen before?

REI: Of course. It’s easier for me to control my daily nutrients that way. Nagisa-kun, why don’t you learn to cook something rather than eat bread all the time? These days, a man who cooks is popular.

NAGISA: Is that so? Hmm, but I like eating “rock” and “hopping” bread, so it’s okay!

MAKOTO: Rock…

HARUKA: Hopping bread?

REI: What sort of bread is that? The name just killed my appetite.

NAGISA: It’s bread with strawberry jam, marmalade, and chocolate on top and only worth the cheap price of 480 yen!

REI: What’s cheap about it?! That’s expensive!!

HARUKA: Just hearing that gave me a toothache…

NAGISA: Eh, but it’s really tasty! Here, Haru-chan, have a bite.

HARUKA: No, I don’t want to.

NAGISA: Now, now, don’t say that. Here, aah.

[NAGISA shoves his bread into HARU’s mouth]

HARUKA: [coughs] T-Too sweet!

MAKOTO: Hey, stop that, Nagisa! Water! Rei, bring water!

NAGISA: Eh, why?

REI: Makoto-senpai, here. Water.

MAKOTO: Rei, thanks. Here, Haru. Drink this.

[HARUKA drinks and coughs]

MAKOTO: Are you okay, Haru?

NAGISA: Ehh… [bites] But it tastes so good…

REI: Nagisa-kun… No matter how I see it, that bread is nutritionally unbalanced.

NAGISA: Is it? I never really thought about healthy eating, but maybe I should start?

MAKOTO: Well, it may be better to know how to cook than to not know at all.

HARUKA: Nagisa, I can teach you how to cook mackerel.

NAGISA: Really?!

REI: Mackerel is a very exceptional food that contains many nutrients. Its health benefits include immunity from lifestyle diseases, antioxidants, and is good for the skin. It’s even said to be very effective for brain development.

MAKOTO: Wow.

REI: Makoto-senpai, I think that your lunch is also very well-balanced. It contains enough calories to support your physique.

MAKOTO: Oh, I see. My mom makes lunch for me every day, so I don’t know the first thing about nutrition…

NAGISA: Haru-chan and Rei-chan make their own lunches, and Mako-chan’s mom makes his lunch, huh… Oh! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

MAKOTO: Nagisa? Why are you raising your hand?

NAGISA: Let’s say if each of us was a girl and we were to go out with someone in this group, who would you pick?

MAKOTO: Huh?

HARUKA: Why did the topic suddenly turn to that?

REI: I have absolutely no idea.

NAGISA: It’s a hypothetical question!

MAKOTO: Why did talking about lunches turn to talking about dating?

NAGISA: Because Rei-chan said [imitates REI] ‘A man who cooks is popular.’ So I was wondering, if we were girls, who would we pick?

REI: That wasn’t an imitation of me, was it?

NAGISA: I sounded just like you, didn’t I?

REI: No.

NAGISA: [imitates REI] No.

MAKOTO: Pfft!

NAGISA: I would pick… hmm… I wonder… Not Rei-chan. You seem to get too hung up by details.

REI: What are you saying, Nagisa-kun? You’ll find no partner more perfect than I am.

NAGISA: Eh? Really? But Rei-chan, you’ll definitely be a huge nagger. Always telling me not to spill things or to tuck my shirt in, and stuff.

REI: Me, a nagger? Listen. I have confidence in my memory, so I would never forget special days like birthdays. I can cook, and manage my time so I would never be late for a date. I would research beforehand the places we’d go, and even research the best path to take to the restaurant where I’ve already put in a reservation, so I would be the perfect escort for my date from start to finish. I would make a date enjoyable, leaving nothing to be desired.

MAKOTO: H-Haru… did you just think that Rei sounded like an infomercial?

HARUKA: How could you tell?

MAKOTO: [laughs] Because I thought so too.

NAGISA: Then, Rei-chan, who would you want to go out with among the guys here?

REI: Myself, of course.
[pause]

NAGISA: That’s… um… That’s very sad.

HARUKA: Really sad.

MAKOTO: Don’t say that. That’s who Rei is.

REI: Makoto-senpai… you’re not helping…

NAGISA: Then what about you, Mako-chan? Who would you go out with?

MAKOTO: Me? Well, let me see… hmm… I’ve been with Haru since we were kids, so I feel relaxed around him, and Nagisa is a cheerful person, so I have fun being around him, and Rei is upright, so I feel like I can expect him to take really good care of me… You all have your good points. Hmm… I can’t choose.
[All three sigh]

MAKOTO: Eh? Huh? What’s wrong, guys?

NAGISA: Um… what do we call that kind of attitude again?

MAKOTO: Eh?

HARUKA: Wishy-washy.

MAKOTO: Ehh?!

REI: Makoto-senpai… You’re going to be in trouble one day…

MAKOTO: Wha– why?!

HARUKA: Being too nice brings the worst results.

MAKOTO: Not you too, Haru!

NAGISA: Then what about you, Haru-chan? Who would you choose?

HARUKA: …Makoto.

MAKOTO: Me?!

HARUKA: It just seems easiest.

REI: That’s your reason?

NAGISA: Ehh, you picked Mako-chan?

REI: Well, Makoto-senpai is kind and he seems likely to treat the person he dates with respect.

NAGISA: Hey, Haru-chan! If I was your boyfriend, I’ll cook mackerel for you for breakfast every morning!

HARUKA: I choose Nagisa.

MAKOTO: Ehhh?!

NAGISA: Yay!

REI: Haruka-senpai’s decisions all center around mackerel…

MAKOTO: I lost to mackerel…

(I do not own any of this… all rights go their original owners… have a nice day! ^_^)